need another drink. this is the easiest way
weddingsv make me drug and hornr
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
i now understand why vodka
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
