OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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