drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
