dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Randomize
