he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
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