Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
i believe in u and ur pee
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize