end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
