I wish I could teleport
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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