I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
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