I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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