just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
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