this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
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