just survived the first fart of the relationship.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Randomize
