I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
