i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
