Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
Randomize
