DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Randomize
