Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
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