My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
