You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
Reggie can tackle my bush.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Randomize