I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Randomize
