I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
