So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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