So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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