isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
