I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
Randomize
