I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
