Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
