Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
