i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
