I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
i am craving dick and cupcakes
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize