So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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