I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
I yelled at your uterus for you.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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