why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Randomize
