anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize
