how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
Randomize
