i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
