Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
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