it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
