if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
