You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
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