drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
