so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
