Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
