you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
We got so high we made milksteak
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Randomize
