Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
I didn't notice because vodka
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
Randomize
