you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
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