there were more penises there than on chat roulette
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
