genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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