No stitches, just platelets and will power
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Randomize