do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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