We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Randomize
