I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
