are you so shy because you have an std?
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Never underestimate the power of titties
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