Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
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