Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize