so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Randomize
