You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Randomize
