I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
The chlamydia really affected his face.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Randomize
