I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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