have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
We had sex on a dog bed..
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
