Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
