K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Randomize