his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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