I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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