It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
