it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
