He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
I'm bleeding and have questions
Randomize
