i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
