how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Randomize
