theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
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