yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Randomize
