You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
