Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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