chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
