So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Randomize
