Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
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