ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
