kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
