your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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