how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Randomize
