if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
