He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
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