bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize