K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Randomize
