hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
