he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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