So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
