she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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